


baby, let me love you goodbye

by Meyou__greenblue



Series: Song Series [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Barebacking, Bottom Louis Tomlinson, Breakup Sex, Divorce, Goodbye Sex, Heartbreak, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Sad, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Song: Love You Goodbye (One Direction), Top Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:14:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28599021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meyou__greenblue/pseuds/Meyou__greenblue
Summary: Yes, this is exactly what you think it is.---Harry and Louis are going through a divorce after being together for 10 years, so Louis comes over to collect his things, and, well… what’s a little goodbye sex, just one last time?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Song Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2199345
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33





	baby, let me love you goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> *Hey Siri play Heartbreak Weather by Niall Horan*
> 
> Hello, hi. This one shot idea came to me while I was on a run listening to the Last Five Years soundtrack (fantastic musical with Anna Kendrick and Jeremy Jordan if you haven't see it before), and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down... so. Also I just wanted to write something sad so that I can feel something again, you know? Anyways. Here you go. This is completely and entirely inspired by the song Love You Goodbye by One Direction which is... yeah. It hurt me to write as much as it will hurt you to read.
> 
> If you want it to be even worse, then there's a playlist to go along with it if you so choose...  
> (lol sorry idk how to add links to notes this is my first ever published anything so I'm still figuring out how this website works but it is hyperlinked at the beginning of the fic)

_"One more taste of your lips just to bring me back,_

_To the places we've been and the nights we've had._

_Because if this is it then at least we could end it right."_

LOVE YOU GOODBYE - ONE DIRECTION

([x](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3tQVaElIIWL3uHqhg8ITzm?si=oujaldqCS6ao54Lp6T91cQ))

* * *

The first thing Louis notices when he gets to the house is that Harry’s gotten rid of all the pictures.

The wedding photo that they had blown up to poster size and hung up in their front hallway so that it was the first thing they saw when they got home? Gone. Replaced with some kitschy painting that only a rich person with poor taste could admire (And Harry is neither of those things). The table in the front room that was full of a mishmash of picture frames that documented everything from their first Christmas together, to their month long trip to Peru back in uni, the blurry one of them singing karaoke in some sketchy bar that looks like it was taken on a brick? Empty. All of them... gone. All gone. Every bit of their life together, just taken down and boxed away. The past ten years of their lives erased like it never happened. Like it was nothing.

Louis’ wedding ring sits heavy on his finger, suddenly burning at his skin like a rash you can’t scratch. He wants to take it off, to stop it from hurting but he can’t. That would make it real. Would mean Harry actually doesn’t love him anymore.

Speaking of, Harry makes his way down the stairs to where Louis is standing just inside the front door, a suitcase at his feet and an empty cardboard box in his hand. He gestures at the empty space on the shelf where a selfie of them on New Year’s Eve from the second year they were dating, their faces squished up close to the camera, all teeth and crinkled eyes, once sat.

“Couldn’t get rid of me fast enough, eh?” The bitterness in his voice is obvious but it’s not like he’s trying to hide it. He deserves to feel a little bitter over the fact that the love of his life just decided he didn’t want to be with him anymore, without an explanation, without anything. He’s allowed to feel bitter that Harry’s wiped him away from his life like a stain on a hoodie and removed him completely from what was supposed to be their forever home. The house they were planning to raise children in. The house they were going to grow old in.

Plus it doesn’t fucking help that he looks absolutely gorgeous, too. He’s wearing those stupid jeans that look painted on, one of his silk shirts that Louis could just cuddle into. His hair long like Louis adores, freshly washed and drying in soft ringlets that frame his face. His beautiful, soft face that Louis has spent hours just staring at.

Fuck.

How is this fair? How is it that he can just break Louis’ heart like that and then have the audacity to look like this while he walks right out of Louis’ life? The whole thing is just fucked up and Louis’ hates him so much, but wants to jump his bones nonetheless.

Harry rolls his eyes at Louis, clearly annoyed and Louis takes it all back, he wants to punch him in the nose.

“God, do you always have to be so dramatic?”

“What?” Louis steps further into the house tauntingly. “Got a new boyfriend who told you to do it? Or could you just not stand the sight of me that badly?”

His voice is sarcastic, but inside he can feel his heart cracking, can almost hear it as it shatters beneath his ribs, the splinters of it pushing up against his lungs and making it hard to breathe. He feels as empty as the house is, just a shell of what once was. His face is stony as he tries not to give any of that away to Harry, who’s standing there and looking like he wants nothing more than for Louis to be gone already so he can start on his fun, new, exciting life without him. The life where he’s no longer tied down by the over-dramatic, annoying, restraint that is Louis Tomlinson.

“Oh, come off it, Lou. It’s not like that,” he sneers and turns to make his way into the main part of the house. Louis follows. He just wants to get this shit done and over with so he can go back to Liam’s house and cry himself to sleep. Maybe eat a tub of ice cream to himself too.

“It’s not? Oh, see, I wouldn’t know that since you haven’t actually said anything to me for the past three weeks… Good to know you still remember my name.”

Harry whirls around so fast he must be dizzy and glares at Louis, his jaw clenched and voice tight. “ _ What _ is your problem? Why are you being such a dick?”

“Me? A dick?  _ You’re _ the one divorcing  _ me _ , you know.  _ You’re _ the one who ended it all with a piece of paper and a signature.  _ You’re _ the one who wanted all of this to happen, okay? Not me. So, I think it’s fair to say that you’re the one who’s being a dick in this situation. I’m just here to get my shit and leave like  _ you _ wanted me to. Alright?”

The tension in the room is nearly physical, like something Louis could pluck out of the air and hold in his hand, and it’s such a drastic change from their past ten years together that Louis can barely stand it. This is supposed to be the same person he fell in love with when he was eighteen? You would never be able to tell that now by the tense set of both of their shoulders, the way they can’t even look each other in the eye. There was once a time when they gazed at each other so much that their friends would throw things at them to get them to stop, fake gagged and called them disgusting whenever they were in the same room together. It’s like fire and ice now, two different lifetimes.

He puts the cardboard box down on the kitchen table and just stands there, waiting for Harry to show him to his things or something. Anything to stop the chill from circulating between the two of them, basically glaring at each other from across the room.

Harry looks like he’s going to argue but Louis cuts him off with a wave of his hand. “I-”

“No, Harry, you broke my heart into a million pieces. I get to be a little bit snappy about that.”

For a second, there’s an apology in Harry’s eyes and his expression softens. “Lou, I didn’t mean-” 

He walks over and reaches a hand out and just barely grazes Louis’ arm before he hops back like he’s been electrocuted. If Louis wasn’t already angry before, he would be now. Harry doesn’t just get to flip flop back and forth like that, drag Louis’ along, get all soft and nice and then rip his heart out again. No. it doesn’t work that way. 

He served Louis  _ fucking divorce papers _ not even a month ago.Told him that he thinks they need to go their separate ways. Live their own lives for a bit because “we’ve been together since we were sixteen and eighteen, Lou. We need to experience something outside of that at least for a little while” and literally nothing else. 

And it crushed him.

It absolutely crushed him. Pulled his heart right out of his chest and ripped it in two, left it bleeding out on the floor as Harry, the person he loves the most in the entire world, his soulmate, sat across the table from him and told him that he no longer wanted to be married. Told him that everything they had ever built, that love that they had felt, the experiences they had, their history, was all for naught without even saying the words. 

It left Louis gasping for air in the middle of the night when he’d wake up and for a split second forget that it was real, until he’d roll over and the bed would be empty and reality would come crashing back down. That Harry was gone. And Harry didn’t want him anymore.

Louis can’t eat, he can’t sleep, he can barely drag himself out of bed to go to work and here Harry is, acting all gentle and kind and remorseful when  _ he’s _ the one who made this choice for them. When he was the one who decided this is how their story ends. If Harry were to take it all back right now, say he made a terrible mistake and that he regrets it all and wants nothing more than to be with Louis again, he’d (maybe stupidly) take Harry back in a heartbeat. Act like it never happened and move on. But he knows Harry would never do that. And that’s what makes him snap.

“Do not fucking touch me,” He nearly growls, taking another step back from Harry so that he’s no longer an arm’s reach away. He’s seething now, frustrated to no end. He loves this man. He loves him with all that he is, but he can’t stand the sight of him right now. His existence just a reminder of what was that now no longer is, and it hurts. It hurts so fucking much that Louis’ skin burns. 

“What are you playing at, Harry, huh? Do you just want to see me suffer? Do you just want to torment me for your own sick satisfaction? Huh? What is it, Harry? What do you want from me,” he shouts, no longer able to control the anger bubbling up inside of him, the rage that sits side by side with the pain somewhere in his chest. It echoes through the kitchen and Harry cringes at the suddenly change in volume.

“Lou, I-”

“ _ You _ did this, Harry, and so you don’t get to be upset about it,” He yells again. His fists are tense by his side, his nails digging into the soft palm of his hands hard enough to leave a mark. He’s so mad at Harry right now that it’s exhausting. “I thought I was going to die with you, I thought I was going to be with you forever, and silly me thought that you felt the same way. Well, silly me, right? Guess I was wrong with that one.” He turns away from Harry chuckles lightly but there’s nothing funny about it. Everything in him is just on guard and he’s ready to break down in tears at any moment.

Harry’s voice wavers but the frustration is still there, “It’s not like that- I didn’t-”

He whirls back around so he’s facing Harry again. “Then what  _ is _ it like, Harry, because you haven’t told me anything! Haven’t given me a single reason as to why this is what you want.”

“I told you. We need some space. We need some time,” he says like it’s some sort of explanation.

“And you need to divorce me for that?” He pinches the bridge of his nose and attempts to take a deep breath but it stutters on the inhale. He pushes past Harry and goes to stand in the middle of the living room. His whole body is now visibly shaking with frustration. “Jesus Christ, Harry, if you needed space you could have just told me. We’re supposed to be a team, get through shit like this together! That’s what our vows were for if you didn’t know,” he bites, attempting to hit Harry where it hurts.

Finally he cracks, “I was suffocating, Louis, okay,” he cries out, just as loud as Louis had been yelling before.

Harry continues to shout as he walks closer to Louis, gesturing around at everything while he does, “This house, this life, you, it was all… It was suffocating me and I- I needed out!”

Louis throws his hands up into the air in exasperation, “Oh, so now I loved you too much that I was drowning you? Wow. Sorry, won’t do that next time, then.”

“For fuck’s sake! That’s not what I mean.”

Louis takes a step closer to Harry. “Sorry the plans we made for our future together were too much for you,” he quips. Another step. “Sorry I was such an awful husband to you by loving you with all that I could that you couldn’t stand it.”

Harry’s eyes narrow as they stand face to face in the living room, Harry towering slightly over Louis. In other circumstances Louis loved being smaller than Harry, felt protected by him when he would wrap him up in his arms and Louis could tuck his chin into Harry’s shoulder. But now it just feels humiliating, like Louis is a stupid, little child having a temper tantrum. 

_ How did we get here? _ , Louis thinks as he stares into the familiar green of Harry’s eyes and sees loathing instead of love.  _ Screaming and scowling at each other in the house that we bought together. _ Their younger selves would be devastated, the thought of their perfect teenage love turning into this monstrosity too much for them to handle. In fact, Louis from just three months ago could have never imagined this, couldn’t have conjured this scene up even in his wildest dreams.

“Why are you making me feel like such a bad guy?”

“Because you are,” Louis grinds out, throwing his arms out to the side. “Can’t you see? You’re the villain in my story now, Harry. The one that ruined everything good I had going for me. The one who tore down everything and left it in a pile of smoking rubble. My whole life has been turned around, everything that I knew to be true is a lie.”

Harry takes a few steps backwards, runs a hand down his face. 

“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think this is hurting me just as much as it’s hurting you?”

“Then why did you do it?” Louis asks, desperate for some sort of an answer. An explanation for this shitshow so he can stop making them up in his head.

“Because I needed to, Louis. For myself. This has nothing to do with you, I just-” He pauses, searches for his words for a second. The silence is deafening. Louis can hear the blood pumping in his ears. 

“I couldn’t go my whole life without knowing,” Harry finally states. “Knowing what other kinds of things are out there for me. Things that I need to experience on my own.”

It sounds like the monologue from a shitty movie, something Harry’s pulled right from a novel or something. It can’t be that simple to him and it can’t be that easy. Louis can’t even think of what Harry thinks he’s missing enough that he needs to go through with this divorce. Maybe there’s someone else. Maybe he’s found someone else and this is Harry’s way of getting out without it sounding like that is what’s happening.

“I didn’t want to go the rest of my life with regrets,” he finishes and it’s a knife in Louis’ back.

“Regrets like marrying me?”

“No!” Harry shouts and it’s too quick, doesn’t sound genuine enough, that Louis isn’t even shocked when he takes it back less than a second later. “Yes!”

A second stab plunges right between Louis’ shoulder blades.

“I don’t know!”

A third somewhere where his heart should be.

“I don’t know, Louis, and that’s why I had to see, okay?”

If his wounds were real then Louis’ would be bleeding out slowly on the carpet by now.

Harry continues, unaware of the way Louis is crumbling from the inside out. The way his organs feel like they’re collapsing in on each other. “I had to just go and see and experience and try and then if I came back to you because that’s how it was meant to be, then. Well. That’s how it was meant to be.”

Louis doesn’t even have the strength to raise his voice any louder than regular volume, despite the anger he feels. Despite the hurt. “You threw our marriage away because of some ridiculous, cheesy quote that some dude probably wrote hundreds of years ago? Is that what you’re saying?”

Harry screws his eyes shut and breathes in slowly. Louis watches his chest expand, tense and irritated. “You’re not listening to me,” he says, with his eyes still closed. Louis thinks Harry might punch the wall he’s standing next to but it doesn’t happen.

“That’s because you’re not making any sense,” Louis clamors, the anger back in full force, pushing its way to the surface when he speaks. “You’re spouting shitty rom-com bullshit, doing the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ schtick and thinking I’ll fall for it. You must not know me at all.”

“You’re the one with IT IS WHAT IT IS tattooed across your fucking chest! So, how do you not understand that this just  _ is _ a thing that has to  _ is _ .”

“Because this isn’t is what it fucking is, this a decision that you made and I just don’t get why you won’t tell me why,” His voice is raised again but it goes quiet when he says, “Like, if you don’t love me anymore just say it.”

Harry outwardly scoffs. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course I still love you.”

“Then why are you doing this? Please,” Louis begs, the desperation ringing out as he speaks. They’re standing across the room from each other again, but their eyes meet properly for the first time since Louis got here. “For once in this goddamn conversation just tell me the truth. You owe me that much.”

“Because-” Harry starts and then he cuts himself off. Louis wants to yell at him again, tell him to stop trying to make something up and just tell the truth, whatever it is. Louis’ heart's already breaking, anything Harry says would just be a twist of the knife. The damage has already been done.

The house is quiet, the sound of their breathing the only thing making any noise. Harry’s fists clench and unclench at his sides. Louis stands still and watches it all. Watches as he takes a couple deep breaths, looks up at the ceiling, and then shakes his head with a sad laugh.

When he looks back at Louis, his eyes bore into Louis’ and there’s another tense second where they simply stand and stare at each other. Louis is surprised when he sees a single tear slide down Harry’s cheek. 

_ Finally _ , Louis thinks.  _ A reaction, proof that you can still feel something _ . 

“Fuck,” Harry states, “It’s not because I  _ don’t _ love you, Louis, alright? It’s because I love you  _ too _ much, okay?” He chokes back a sob and Louis steps forward unconsciously. “Is that what you want to hear?!” Harry shouts, tears now free-falling down his face, streaming their way down his cheeks like waterfalls. Louis wants to reach out and wipe them away like he’s done so many times before but he knows that he can’t. He’s finally got Harry where he needs him, he doesn’t want to jeopardize the fragility of this moment because he can’t keep his hands to himself. “Huh, Louis? Is that what you want to fucking hear? That I love you so much that it has overtaken every single fibre of my being, has weaved itself into every single part of my life to the point where I don’t even know who I am anymore. And that scares the crap out of me. That I don’t know how to live without you. It's terrifying, the grip you have on me. The iron fist you’ve got wrapped around the deepest parts of me.”

Louis stands there, shellshocked and silent, as his heart pounds against his ribcage and he tries to wrap his head around everything that Harry’s saying.

“I love you so fucking much I ache with it, Louis. It’s what keeps my lungs breathing and my heart beating and so I have to just take a step back. Away from you. So that I can figure out who I am without you, what parts of my soul are actually mine, and which ones I share with you. I was sixteen when we started dating, I was a child. And since then my whole life has been about you. Every important memory I have involves you. And there’s nothing wrong with that, God, no. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. But I just don’t know who I am without that. Without you. And I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least see what else there might be out there for me.”

  
  


“Harry-”

Before Louis can say anything else, Harry crosses the room in two quick strides and gathers Louis into his arms, and all of a sudden they’re kissing. Harry slams his lips against Louis’ as fervently as he possibly can, and it takes less than a second for Louis to react, falling back into something that was once second nature. It’s been nearly a month since he’s had Harry’s mouth on his, and though that month was spent in a pit of misery, in a constant state of frustration towards Harry, Louis still missed this. Missed the plush of Harry’s lips melding with his. With a whine, he pushes himself up against Harry, trying desperately to have them touching from head to toe, to feel the heat of Harry’s skin as much as he possibly can. They makeout as Harry’s hands roam all up and down Louis’ back, Louis’ fingers dig into the sides of Harry’s hips, clinging on for dear life for at any second this could end and the illusion is over. Louis tries to savour every second of it, memorize the weight of Harry’s palms on the back of his neck, the crook of his waist, the swell of his bum. Just as he’s about to pull Harry closer closer closer still, Harry steps back, unattaches his lips from Louis’. He places a hand on each of Louis’ shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact. 

“This doesn’t change anything, Louis.”

And Louis knows, he  _ knows _ that there’s nothing he can do to convince Harry to change his mind about the whole thing, rip up the divorce papers and take it back. Can’t use the perfect way that they fit together, move together, love together as a ploy to get Harry back. Because if Harry Styles is anything, he’s stubborn, and once he’s made up his mind about something (especially something as big as this), there’s nothing Louis can do to to change it. And maybe, just maybe, deep down Louis’ knows that maybe this is the right choice too. They’ve basically been in each other’s back pockets for most of their lives and during what would have been the most critical points in their individual growth at that as well. Louis’ life has been based off of Harry for as long as he can remember. Every action, every choice, every _ thing _ has been done with the consideration of Harry in the back of Louis’ mind.

So he nods, and he whispers “I know,” because his voice would crack if he spoke any louder and he pulls Harry back in tight, urgently pressing their lips together once again. It’s a smack of lips and teeth but Louis doesn’t care. This is the last time he’s going to get to be with Harry for a long time, potentially ever, and so he doesn’t care if it’s sloppy, or messy, or anything. All that he cares about is that for now he can card his fingers through Harry’s hair and kiss him senseless before it all goes back to shit. 

With a newfound desperation than before, Louis ruts up against Harry’s crotch and the friction pulls a moan from somewhere deep in Harry’s throat. Louis’ cock immediately fills up at the noise, and he bites down on Harry’s lip to keep him from whimpering himself. Harry’s hips twitch as Louis nips at him again and again, his lips, his neck, his earlobe. Ten years of experience and he knows all of Harry’s sweet spots.

“Jesus Christ, Louis,” he groans when Louis licks and kisses behind his ear. “Bed. Bed now.”

Louis nods against the side of Harry’s neck and then Harry picks him up like he’s nothing, causing Louis to squeal. 

“I hate when you manhandle me,” he says but he wraps his legs around Harry’s waist so he doesn’t slip anyways.

“That’s a lie and you know it,” Harry responds, kissing Louis again.

Louis melts into it as Harry carries them up the stairs towards their old bedroom, lips still connected.

When they get to the edge of the bed, Harry lowers Louis onto the mattress slowly and then pulls back. Louis shuffles up to the top of the bed while Harry tugs his own shirt off in one swift motion and tosses it to the side, the beautiful silk shirt now just a crumple of fabric on the floor. He peels his jeans off with the ease of only a person who wears stupidly tight trousers much too often and then crawls up the bed towards Louis in just his boxers. Louis is still fully clothed and so Harry takes his time taking off Louis’ shirt first. Dragging it up his body slowly, almost calculated, as he kisses a feather-like trail of kisses along Louis’ chest, lips barely grazing the surface of Louis’ skin. He squirms, desperate for more contact but Harry just pulls away and ghosts his fingers gently across his skin, leaving him wanting nothing but more more more.

Finally, Harry yanks Louis’ shirt over his head and throws it to where his own is on the floor then makes his way to the button of Louis’ jeans. Louis just watches, silently, as Harry undresses him. He lifts his hips so Harry can pull them off and Harry bends down to plant a kiss on the inside of Louis’ thighs when he’s done, his nose nudging slightly against where his cock is fully hard beneath his underwear. 

Louis whimpers loudly and can feel Harry smirk while he sucks a mark in the dip of his hip, teasing him.

“Bastard,” Louis groans, screwing his eyes shut when Harry runs a finger over his slit, still covered by his boxers.

“You just look so lovely like this, I want to take my time. Rile you up a bit more.”

“I hate you,” Louis gasps out, his cock throbbing just waiting to be touched again.

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I don't,” Louis agrees and he bucks up against Harry’s palm when he finally cups Louis’ dick with his hand. Harry tuts and pushes Louis’ hips back into the mattress. Louis whines, high in his throat but takes a deep breath and tries to relax back into the bed as Harry fondles his balls. “At least kiss me if you’re going to tease me like this.”

And so Harry does. He straddles Louis' waist and cups Louis’ face in his hands. Louis sits up slightly in his elbows so that he can meet Harry halfway, too impatient to wait any longer for their lips to collide. The kiss is desperate and messy but Louis doesn’t care, Harry’s weight is heavy on his stomach, his bum nearly lined up with Louis’ cock, a mere inch or two away. Louis can’t help but touch and he kneads at Harry’s bum, pulling him closer, teasing him back as they collapse together on the bed, pressed up from bottom to top. Harry’s so close to Louis it’s like a second skin, like they’re sharing a body, sharing a soul, physically impossible to be any more in each other’s space but Louis wishes he were closer still. He tugs Harry in so it’s just sweat and skin and friction. Harry moans into Louis’ mouth and grinds up against him as best he can despite their proximity. 

“Take your pants off. I needed you naked five minutes ago,” Louis rasps, his voice gravelly and aroused beyond belief. 

Harry obeys and sits up. Louis whines at the loss of contact, the heat from Harry’s body seeping away as fast as it came but he’s ripping off his boxers and is now fully naked, cock hard and dripping against his stomach, and Louis can’t find it in him to complain anymore. Harry looks delectable, sat atop Louis’ waist like that, glistening with sweat, pupils blown wide, lips puffy and red. He looked beautiful with his clothes on, sure. Sexy enough to devour even then. But now? Now, Louis can’t even think straight. He just lies there for a moment, completely enamored by Harry’s body. The curve of his pecs, the glow of his skin, the strength in his thighs where they’re straddling Louis. He’s gorgeous. The most gorgeous man Louis has ever seen. For a brief moment he wants to cry, knowing this is the last taste of Harry’s lips, the last night they’ll have together, but fuck, if this is all they’ve got left, well… Louis is going to take his time looking, and touching, and making sure that he takes it all in as much as he can because if this is it, well, then at least they can end it right. Together. Two hearts in one home. Two bodies in one bed. 

“Harry, you’re so lovely. You’re so gorgeous, I- I want you to fuck me. I  _ need _ you to fuck me. Please.”

Harry nods enthusiastically, like he’s been waiting this whole time for Louis to say just that, and then he bends down and kisses Louis again, chaste and gentle this time. The type of kiss you only give to someone you truly love. Louis sighs into Harry’s mouth and he can feel Harry’s lips turn down into a frown.

“I love you. I’m sorry-” Harry starts but Louis shushes him by kissing him.

“It’s okay. I understand. Let’s just let ourselves have this without thinking about it, okay?”

“Okay,” he says, and he pulls Louis’ underwear off so that they’re now both fully naked. Harry trails his fingers up and down Louis’ body for a moment, just looking and touching. It’s more gentle than sexy, like he’s taking a mental photograph of Louis to keep with him when he’s gone but Louis’ still turned on. At the way Harry looks at Louis like he’s the sexiest person he knows, like he worships the ground he walks on. It makes Louis feel important again. Important to Harry. And that thought alone keeps his dick hard, the way he can see himself through Harry’s eyes, even for the briefest of moments. He relaxes into the sheets as Harry grazes up and down his body, switching from his fingers, to his lips, his tongue. He licks up Louis’ sternum, blows air over the wet patch and then kisses all over his chest, biting gently at his nipples. Louis can’t help the way he squirms, the way he lifts his hips up to press against Harry’s, their cocks rubbing together. They moan in sync, share a smile and a peck of their lips and then Harry’s hand dips down in between them.

He tugs once on Louis’ cock and he nearly comes right there, but it’s quick and his fist is gone just as fast as it came and Louis is left breathless. 

“Harry, please-” he nearly begs. Harry’s got his finger just outside of Louis’ entrance and Louis’ bum clenches at nothing.

“Just wait, baby.”

Harry rolls away then, and reaches into the bedside table, the same place they’ve kept their lube for years and tosses it onto the bed. It bounces once on the mattress and lands next to Louis’ hip. Harry’s back in his space quickly and slicking up his fingers, thrusting one into Louis before Louis can even blink.

He cries out into the air, the feeling of a single finger all encompassing after so much teasing. Usually he has more self control, isn’t so vocal, so taken over by it all. But he’s missed Harry so much, missed the way it feels when he fills him up, and so even the bare minimum feels like so much right now. His fists clench at the sheets as Harry pumps a finger in and out, just barely grazing against Louis’ prostate and leaving his head spinning. 

“Fuck,” Louis grits out through clenched teeth when Harry adds another. His eyes roll back into his head as he tries his hardest not to come all over Harry before the best has yet to happen. Harry smooths his free hand down Louis' cheek, and thumbs at the corner of his lips.

Louis’ eyes are still screwed shut, knows he’d finish immediately if he could see Harry right now, but can hear the fondness in Harry's voice as he says, “You’re so beautiful, baby. So beautiful laid out like this for me. Feel so good on my fingers, can’t wait to get my cock in you.”

The softness of Harry’s voice has Louis clenching around Harry’s fingers, his only outlet for the pleasure he feels. Harry scissors his fingers then and Louis almost screams.

All of a sudden, Harry pulls his fingers out but not before he crooks the tip of them against Louis’ prostate. A moan shutters through the entirety of Louis’ body and he cracks his eyes open, meeting the vibrant green of Harry’s already staring at him, precome drips from the head of his cock.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he shouts, his legs shooting out straight in front of him, willing himself to not come still. It’s killing him. Harry is killing him. 

Harry shifts so the head of his cock is nudging against Louis’ hole. He doesn’t bother with a condom since they’re the only people the other has ever been with, just another reason why Louis finally understands what Harry needs. They only know each other in this way, nobody else at all. The thought of that being the same way forever is scary, Louis knows that now.

“Ready, love?” Harry asks, barely a whisper.

Their eyes are still locked together, blue and green, and so Louis nods only slightly since Harry is close enough to see the brief movement. “I’ve  _ been _ ready, Haz. Want you inside of me.”

“Want to be inside of you, Lou. Always have and always will.”

Louis nods again and then Harry’s pushing himself into Louis. It doesn’t take long for him to bottom out, his body used to the feel of Harry, the arousal curled in his gut enough to have him relax into Harry easily. It doesn’t stop him from mewling at the feeling though, the way Harry fills him up inside, leaving no part of him empty. They keep eye contact and Louis grips at Harry’s hips while Harry thrusts into him, hitting his prostate nearly every time. 

It’s basic. Louis is just lying there while Harry moves in and out of him, but it’s still overwhelming. In the ten years they’ve been together, they’ve tried all sorts of things. Positions, toys, whatever. But none of it has ever had the same emotional impact of stripping it down to the fundamentals. Harry inside of Louis, making love to him while he lies there and takes it. This is just two people in love, fucking. Plus this way they can still look at each other, still kiss each other. It’s basic, sure, but it’s all Louis wants. And it clearly works for Harry as well, judging by the way he’s grunting as he drives into Louis.

Louis can tell Harry’s getting close when he slows down a little, used to the routine that he could count down the seconds until Harry finished just by the sounds of his breathing.

Louis pulls Harry down so they can kiss again. They more breathe against each other’s lips than do any sort of proper kissing but it doesn’t matter to Louis. He’s still got his boy close to him for the moment being.

Harry’s thrusts stutter a little, waver for the briefest of seconds.

“Lou, I’m-”

“I know, baby,” Louis says, lips still brushing against Harry’s. He pushes Harry’s hair off of where it’s fallen across his sweaty forehead and tucks it behind his ear before reaching down between them and grabbing at his own dick. “Come with me, Harry. Let’s come together.”

Harry pants a little and then tilts his head so they’re foreheads are pressed together and nods. Even though Louis’ vision is blurry as he looks into Harry’s eyes, the closeness causing everything to be fuzzy, he doesn’t move. Just gazes the best he can into Harry’s eyes.

They move in sync. Harry pounding into Louis as he jerks himself off and just like he knew he would, Harry comes with a cry during a particular thrust, with Louis following less than a second later. He shoots in between both his and Harry’s chest, covering them both in warm come, and Harry comes while still inside of Louis, filling him up even more. 

They stay there, forehead to forehead, panting while they come down together.

When they finally catch their breath, Harry presses a final intimate kiss to Louis’ lips, and he melts into it despite the come drying on his chest. He wraps his hands around Harry’s back and pulls him in close. He feels boneless, blissed out, properly fucked and it’s amazing. But kissing Harry like this, no longer with the intention of sex, feels just as important. Louis rolls them over so they’re laying side by side, Harry still inside of Louis, and they kiss for a little longer. Passing love back and forth between each other in the only way they know how.

Memories of all the times they’ve done this before run through Louis’ mind. Every kiss, every touch from the last ten years come flooding back like a tsunami. He presses closer to Harry, and it’s not sexual but the desperation is obvious. He doesn’t want this moment to end, become just another memory that he’s going to look back on one day. Harry must feel the same way, because he pulls out of Louis and tucks his leg in between Louis’, just a tangle of limbs and come.

Louis feels a tear slip out from his eye but he doesn’t do anything about it, just lets himself cry silently as he continues to kiss Harry like his life depends on it. And maybe it does. Harry pulls his face away slightly, must feel the moisture on his own face because he swipes a thumb under Louis’ eyes, wiping away the tears. Louis opens his eyes so he’s looking at Harry again and there’s wetness gathering in Harry’s as well. 

“I love you,” Harry tells him, voice thick.

“I love you, too,” Louis says back.

“You’re going to be okay, I promise.”

Louis can’t help the sob that escapes from his lips at that, the sadness that wracks through his body. 

He knows he’ll be okay, knows that he’s strong. But he’s always had Harry there to help him through it, to stand by his side as he waded his way through whatever it was.

Harry wasn’t only his boyfriend, his lover, and eventually his husband. He was Louis’ best friend. His person. His support system.

And now. Now he’s going to no longer be any of those things. And eventually they may grow into people that the other doesn’t recognize anymore. It’ll be a whole new life without Harry. And maybe that’s the whole point, but it doesn’t make any easier. 

So Louis cries, and Harry holds him close and cries too.

They mourn the only love they’re ever known together in the bed that they once shared until their tears run dry. 

Once the stickiness of the dried come gets to be too much, they shower together. Stand under the steaming water together. They don’t speak, there’s nothing either of them can say anymore, really. But they kiss. And they touch. And they cry a little bit more because, well, neither of them can help it.

Then they dry off and climb back into bed together, naked so that they’re skin to skin and they hold each other as tightly as they possibly can.

At one point, after the sun has dipped down and the room is cloaked in grey, Harry whispers into the darkness, “Stay the night.”

And there’s no hesitation from Louis at all when he says, “Okay.”

* * *

_ “If tomorrow you won’t be mine,  _

_ Won’t you give it to me one last time? _

_ Oh, baby, let me love you goodbye.” _

  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Okay i'm going to be completely honest, the original track for this was going to be rough, hateful, breakup sex where they screamed at each other and then fucked like no tomorrow but then i started writing it and it transitioned into this SO. Yes. There you have it. I think gentle and loving is more my style anyways.
> 
> This is my first ever published anything and my first ever attempt at any sort of smut so hopefully it wasn't completely awful??? 
> 
> If you read it and liked it then thank you so much!! Kudos and comments would be much appreciated and if you wanna follow me on twitter my @ is bxbycakeshxzza .
> 
> Much love everyone!! xoxox


End file.
